A Quest?
by bear over there
Summary: Formerly The Battle SongSingalong of Legolas G., this story recounts the delightful journey of the fellowship through hardships in order to find one thing. Read on readers! You may like the humor you find...
1. The Quest Begins

_Most people have battle cries. Not so much for Legolas. Legolas had what you're typical everyday person would call a battle song/sing-a-long. Which actually worked better than if he had had a battle cry because his battle song/sing-a-long (beautiful though it was) was extremely long and way too drawn out for anyone's own good (except perhaps for Legolas)._

_Five minutes in to his battle song/sing-a-long._

**Legolas:** Everybody clap your hands! (Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap…)

**Aragorn **(The only one not yet knocked out because he had a pair of pink earmuffs for the occasion) WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY!

**Legolas:** I most certainly shall not! Hey everybody! Let's start jumping-

_At that moment, Aragorn suddenly whacked Legolas on the head and the youthful looking but actually extremely old elf was conked out for quite some time. Aragorn woke everyone but the orcs and Legolas._

**Frodo:** What just happened? My head is all tingly feeling.

**Pippin:** Was Leggy doing that weird cheerleader thing again?

**Merry:** You mean that song/sing-a-long thing he does?

**Pippin:** I am sooo in the mood to change my name to Pimpin. Isn't that keen!

**All:** No.

_Even the unconscious Legolas mutters "no" in his unconsciousness._

**Pimpin- I mean Pippin:** Well I won't answer to anything but Pimpin! So there!

Everyone but Pippin looks to the sky as a ray of light falls through the clouds and "Halleluiah!" plays in the background. 

**Gimli:** Somebody help me put elf-boy in his straitjacket.

**Sam:** I will bride-girlfriend! Ahem! I mean, sure.


	2. The Photo Album

_The fellowship traipsed along. Gimli and Sam towed the straitjacketed Legolas along behind them._

**Gimli:** Umph! He's heavier than he was last time. I wonder what he has on him.

**Sam:** Let's check! Yippee! I always wanted to be a police hobbit!

_They take off the straitjacket and start searching his pockets._

**Gimli:** Vat o' hair jell…

**Sam:** Bow and arrow…

**Gimli:** Battle song/sing-a-long mix…

**Sam:** Pet rock…

**Gimli:** Massive photo album…

**Sam:** Bag of-… massive photo album?

**Gimli:** Hmmm let's see… Oooooo it even has pretty little captions to go along with the pictures! Okay, "June 2, 0012- went on a picnic with pappy, I made a superb salad!" "July 16, 0012- this is me and Arwen hula-hooping, hi everyone!" Heh heh. "October 29, 0012- The King of Men's son was born today, look at ickle Aragorn, he's so cute!"

**Sam:** Hee hee!

**Frodo:** What's going on?

**Boromir:** Oooooo it that hair jell? Give me some!

**Aragorn:** What are you doing to elf-boy? What is that book?

_Sam had shown Frodo, Merry, and Pippin the picture of baby Aragorn. Now Frodo, Sam, and Pippin were doing some sort of hobbit dance._

**Merry:** Were you a baby once Aragorn?

**Aragorn:** NO! I mean, I suppose I was, I guess.

**Merry:** Bwa haha! (joins the hobbit dance)

**Hobbits:** Aragorn was a baby! Aragorn was a baby!

_By now, Aragorn had gotten hold of the photo album and seen what lies within._

**Aragorn:** It cannot be! I thought I had burned all of my baby pictures years ago!

_Legolas regains consciousness_

**Legolas:** What is going on up in here?

**Aragorn:** Where did you get this baby picture?

**Boromir** (with hair slicked back) AWWW! Is that ickle Aragorn?

**Legolas** (to Boromir) YOU STOLE MY HAIR JELL!

**Boromir:** Did not! (hides vat o' hair jell)

**Legolas:** Then why is your hair lusciously soft and easy to manage?

**Boromir:** Pond scum?

**Legolas** (earnestly) Really?

**Boromir:** Oh yeah! With all of the minerals and natural components, it beats out hair jell by sixty-seven percent.

**Legolas:** Sweet. (prances over to the nearest body of water)

**Aragorn:** Hey, Boromir!

**Boromir:** What do you want you freak of nature?

**Aragorn:** I think I found a picture of you. (shows a picture of baby Boromir playing with a wooden sword)

**Boromir:** I'm really photogenic. I mean _really_ photogenic. I'm modest too.

_The hobbits have finished their hobbit dance and come sashaying over along with Gimli._

**Hobbits and Gimli:** Are there any pictures of us?

**Aragorn:** Here's one of Gimli. It looks like he was recently born. "February 17, 0013- those fiendish dwarves had a kid. He has his father's beard. I really hate dwarves."

**Gimli** (sobbing) I was so beautiful!

**Aragorn **(closes book) This is a really dumb photo album. It has nothing to do with our quest.

**Boromir:** What is our quest?

**Aragorn:** That's not important. Where'd elf-boy go?

**Boromir:** He's dunking his head in that rain puddle over there.

**Gimli** (to Pippin) Hey, Pimpin! You know how you changed your name? Well I'm going to change mine too. I'm going to put and E on the end for artistic flair... Gimlie!

**Pippin:** We're cool.

**Legolas:** Hey, guys! Check out my new doo!

_Pond scum is covering his head and a few fish are flopping around._

**Aragorn:** That's great. (whacks Legolas on the head again for the same desired effect) Someone put elfy back in his straitjacket.

_They put all of Legolas's stuff back in his pockets. Except, of course, for the hair jell that Boromir had stolen. They put him in his straitjacket and were on their way._

**Gimli:** Remember, folks, help the environment!


End file.
